nuthin

I will not cry
fore it would be in vain
I feel the wound,
the scar, the stain
I feel your soul
so deep within
tied in knots with
mine and my sin
fused and made
in the love we made
in the thickest form
of the game we played
but I will not cry
In case you say goodbye
I will hold that thought
with the pain this wrought
I will smile with the task
behind my spirit mask

The truth of sorrow

But sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared tothis hollow shell.
Sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared to this cold hell.
Sorrow can be a blessing
and sorrow can be so ripe,
with new blood from the cuting
and hatred from the knife.
Son't think of sorrow, lightly,
yes sorrow fills the void.
Sorrow makes us human
and gives life to the droid.
Sorrow can be soothing
and sorrow makes us whole.
The pain you feel of sorrow
can fill your barren soul.

downward desire

oh, this little ditty makes me feel so proud
to befriend this odd man who sings aloud
 he that sneaks about, with pen in hand
Can it be one who would understand
a plight that haunts and surely seizes
knows  secrets of pains that pleases
he knows the reason I cry till dawn
under stars, stretched on the lawn
to dream of a man, wild and free
he knows not my dreams of he
so entertaining till morning light
till my eyes would have no site
till the moon becomes the sun
I only crave and beg for one
then I cry for special kiss
I want, i hurt and I miss
a heart of mine, its pure
this I am for sure
I wait yet until
he comes again
I keep still
giving him
his thrill
fill

Despite it all

Despite my little fits of anger
and my pissy moaning state
I have deepened love and yearning
that no-one can dissipate

Despite your lies and whining
despite your arrogant shit
I can almost see the truth
right after I throw a fit

Despite your moody oddness
those things that make no sense
the dumbest things that you say
they make me feel so tense

despite the fact I bite my lip
and try to hide it well
I think that I would want you
and follow you to hell

Don't make me forget you

Do not make me forget
what I chose to remember
which path walks regret?
through fields or thick timber?
what laws should be broken
those moral or to protect
which lies should be spoken
to love or to neglect
which way should be wounded
and forever left tainted
the one that's familiar
or the one brightly painted
the one that is open
or one so mysterious
the one that is complicated
drunk and delirious
the one that was broken
and twisted and cold
the one that has promised its
love to grow old
oh, can you distinguish
one heart from the other
in this agony wishes
to drown and to smother

confused and comfounded
cant see right ahead
sore wings, I am grounded
things looked in my head

I can say, "I don't want this."
this thing that I seize
I can say, "I won't miss this."
this desired disease

Don't make me forget
what I chose to keep sacred
Don't make me leave heaven
for the hell that I bled

The transition

I am numbers...
things that are not percieved
as beautiful.
Ugly...
hard as facts and statements
invisible-forgotten
I am unisex-asexual
no desire no beauty
I cannot be seen
with the eyes
I am family, relations
troubled and avoided
I am no tantalizing
object of desire
If I was fire
I would be a
threat to your safety
burning your tongue
tasting reality....too much
I am solid, concrete
walking a line
of contempt
for myself.

My passionate brutality
ceases to exist in
one moment...I have lost

And then the kiss
grazing the surface
the scent arises
pronouncing my real name
the container erupts
gives way...
words like flies...scatter
flee in the wake of
your fear

She arrives
alone
excitable
and free
uninhibited
beauty is evident
boundaries explode
the heart dances
skin tingles
touch...

stitches

stitches...
cross my lips
and my heart
stiches cant
depart-
the hurting
not allowed...
shhhh
be so silent
stitches...
neither loud
nor violent.
gag in my mouth
quiet still
he speaks quietly
until...
alone at last
his love is free
but he still will not
say to me...
no
he will not admit
his love...
no
he will not give
proof enough.
stitches,
bindings
gags and such...
oh i wish
i knew as much...
just to know
that love was there
and just to know
his heart's not bare...
of love for me...
i wish it so
but i may never
ever know.