the tear

Each time you leave me here
I watch the trail of that one tear
as it falls upon my breast
there it finds its place of rest
until I gasp, and shake it free
It travels down the rest of me
moving warmth of rivers flow
from my knee down to my toe
I feel it splash upon my feet
makes me recognize defeat
that my tears are shed in vain
in the midst of all the pain

Oh Master

Close the clasp and hook the leash
set me at your feet
I stare up with saddened eyes
never wanting my release
just love
Humming softly hand in hair
then you pat my head
standing then you tug on me
to follow you to bed
for love
Pull me to you gently as
you grow beneath my tummy
kiss my lips so tenderly
the taste is oh so yummy
like love
Have you way and do your deed
grasp me take me make me bleed
All these things I desperately need
and love
Die your death and I die mine
upon your chest I tremble
But this is what I fear the most
a sad goodbying symbol
much love
but not real love.

Fester

A gripping tearing dread it is
to put upon my head, the sole
responsibility of what I always dread.
A knawing endless pain I sense
as I move in to kiss, the heart
I thought was mine must surely be amiss
Yes, I hate this and I hate that but
nothing can remain, but the itching clawing
feeling that is rotting in my brain
The distant aching body, I can feel it
next to mine, the reason for this coldness
and the slow dead ring of time
I feel the darkness touch me and welcome
death to steal, the reason for this longing
and why I cannot heal.

I repent

silhoettes of things long gone
haunted songs in the throng....

faces pale and unmoving
hands so cold and unsoothing...

I repent

less is more and more is less
I realized as I undressed...

I repent

hands are roving grabbing owning
servants now lay prone and groaning...

I repent

the blood i saw and lies I told
gave the youth to those of old...

soul was mine before the dawn
as I lay stretched upon the lawn...

emryonic sad and void of myrth
never reaching pre-sumed birth...

tearing ripping quiet the knife
every roving the dear dear wife...

oh god...
I repent

left empty

still the owner
of my dreams
it seems I cannot
shake you from
my mind and time
will cease rewind
to bring me peace
and yet release
me from your binds
oh, hold me still
owner of my will
and bring me pain
until my tears are rain
go unnoticed once
again. Foul foul
traitor, user, man
all those things
i feel you can
provide and yet
you still my fears
in meeting
what a greeting or
sorrow, pleasure mixed
no tonic has fixed
these horrific yearnings
that no love has nixed
I hate you and yet so
much love when you will go
bring it rain till I will
know, you love me not
denial reigns within
brain filled with rot
refusing that which
you have told me clear
turned the switch
and whispered in my ear

"I can give you nothing."

you cannot love me

those calloused hands
those eyes so true
I feel my heart
belongs to you

....
but you say no
no no poor girl
you cannot be
part of my world
I will not love you
no not at all
for If i care
and if i fall
I will be doomed
a spiders prey
and at your feet
I will surely lay
I will submit
my heart as well
and then i fear
the pain of hell
and all will be
a total mess
and loving you
will bring distress
yes, loving you
is quite the feat
I fear my dear
i must retreat.

see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil

feel me
as i dig my nails into your flesh
feel me
i am as real as the leather and mesh
feel me
I am not done yet oh my dear
feel me
placing the darkness and the fear

hear me
I am whispering now inside your soul
hear me
I am the blood quivering in the bowl
hear me
last vibration before death takes you
hear me
last sweet dream before life wakes you

smell me
I am the rose upon your grave
smell me
I will give you a whiff if you behave
smell me
I am the tempting love unfinished
smell me
I am the scent that hate has diminished

see me
I am the star which wears the mask
see me
I am the hard liquir in that there flask
see me
I am the truth that leads you astray
see me
I am tomorrow that lies for today

be me
I am but nothing and nothing is good
be me
I have been you and you know i would
be me
it doesnt matter at all what you are
be me
trapped in the darkness locked in a jar

speak me
sad sad riddles that they understand
speak me
I am the devil that stands in your hand
speak me
touch me and listen to words that create
speak me
talk to me softly of love and of hate

kill me
I am now ready to take what I've earned
kill me
whether I suffocate, or if I am burned
kill me
make me go softly into that good night
kill me
knowing you finally done what is right

now rest child