Life said more

life said more
as if i was willing
to live it...
pain said yes
to the edge I
was willing to give it.
hiding alone in
a cold cell/
relentless
battered beaten
... and wandering
senseless
life said
take this and take that
till life seemed
to fall flat
as my body was lying
cold prone
but life has been
cruel and patterned
with gruel
till I have been
anchored alone

life said more
give and then go
and then make
and then form
and then speak...

life said to me
this is not over yet

I will torture
and confine the
weak...

giving more than
the humanoid body
can take
I will rise up and
strike you once more

I will give to you
measure and measure
of hate
till you crawl on
your knees to deaths
door

then life said more
and more of this hell
till the waves of your
suffering swell

I was done...sorely done
with all life had to give
and with day coming near
I would run
I was done ...sorely done
with humanities care
so I made all my peace
with the gun

life said why..oh why
and it cried

but death and i mourned
while society scourned
while life
took a knife
not for me, nor forewarned
for life took a dive
and it died

deeply embedded

driven
How deeply embedded
is the nail, spike
..the burning blade?
I placed the code
did you get it?
Where in this hell we
have made...
where is mercy
going hard?
The purpose is nothing;
life dealt its card.
Blinded and raving;
animals within
pacing, fuming...
recreating the sin.
So where do I begin?
I've been broken
 from the beginning...
destined to be your creep.
I see now
why I cannot sleep.
Let's face it...
I'm worm food
now--later--doesn't matter.
Dreams show me
the aftermath's splatter.
Courage... one step-
pressure vice
grinding down...
Wouldn't it be nice
if this were but a dream...
and my heart didn't
break.
But you are oblivious
and you suffer not
by this disease that I got.

driven...
how deeply embedded...

dreaded and looked upon
with eyes of reluctance
forgetting my human
existence...

a waving grass in fields of hundreds...
thousands....

a grain of sand amongst millions

something which means nothing

to you

you...who are
driven....
and deeply embedded
in yourself.

The process and the pattern

They've come again,
those horrid things.
The pale encounter
of numb men wings...
about to burst
and open forth-
a thing with no remorse.

I grip so tight
that which holds
in madness, lives
I have been told.
These actions of
such pure disgrace;
the truth is here
upon my  face...

and in my eyes.

A quickness of
the blade I weild
will be my sword
defense- my shield.
Upon the softness
lies in wait-to take
my sanity...
and I shall break

the skin.

I watch the bead and as it grows,
I weep and let my pain disclose
so many secrets that's been kept.
So good...I opened and I wept.
To open up and crimson flows
nobody understands nor knows
and as the trail it travels to
the pictures that I keep of you.
They splatter onto loves pure face
and finally I know my disgrace.
Colors red, they tell my heart
and not just any tiny part.
As the wounds begin to feel
and as I try so hard to heal
one more word comes in to
steal....my meaning

"hello"

The grim truth

Given over to her
a blur, I saw you there
starring through the window
bend low, peer deeply...
sweetly she caresses
and blesses your brow
now I know the truth
proof of what was real
feel it! feel it! my descension
tension grips and flexes
complexities and retributions
solutions to the problem of you and I
cry false tears despite what is obvious
pios and proud fake woman
some day all will be known
flown away in full view
new to this sort of hurt
flirt with disaster then hide
wide is your love, but not deep as mine
the wine has gone bad
had trips in the wine glass
mass in black and red...dead
I said it was you and him
grim was my truth

Ill humanity

Ill humanity
sick
reaching new heights
of digust
searching for more
humility through
violence
justification
in this protective
film-designed
to bring fortunate
thought to sanity


Ill humanity
always frightening
bringing about
vast emotions
bustling msucles
of patriotic fabric
a frailty
I see the honesty
and the debauchery


Ill humanity
sperates us
from them
remembering what
was once
reliable
and holy
take this hard body
caress the shell
of resistence
pump the air full
of my retaliation


Ill humanity
loaded, cocked and
ready...
steady your hand
now
and remember
what this was all
for.

I wonder....

I wonder if you think of me
ever when away
do you pine for my attentions
as you go about the day
I wonder
I wonder how you sleep at night
when I cant sleep at all
do you walk around with power
while on my knees I crawl
i wonder
I wonder do you gorge youself
on delicious treats and such
while I just sit and think of you
and never eat that much
i wonder
I wonder does your body ache
not with your tiresome work
but ache as if your soul has died
and you cant help but lurk
i wonder
I wonder if you think of me
yes, think of me at all
while all I do is think of you
for you're my wonderwall
i wonder
doesn't seem fair

pointless

I was burning
churning in the fire
desire was drowning away
stay you said stay
play this game with me
free, you shouldn't be
see...you are imperfect
in retrospect, a thing
a fling I never had
sad that you had to go
so...we must re create
satiate this lust undone
sun has risen, time has past
last thing on my mind is you
true, so true...still solid
fled into that darkened state
abate and the first thing too

I should have gotten over you
but the glue didn't stick