Friday, September 30, 2011

slave to the condition

by this caustic vexation
an unending torential rain
of sorts...
I grip desperately, the handle
which explores me
and I bend to the hand
 which holds my plee.
Falling down, still falling
groveling at the feet
something near, unchained
demons -I will retreat...
in my chaos and oblivion-
my fear...
something very softly unspoken
invades my itching ear.
If I should have the answers
and focus on the clarity
these lies unspoken have
their rarity.
Truth be told...
I search till sanity's end.
At my masters will
I begin again...denied
with this denial
I again bend in the trial
fascinated by edges of
roughened lives that claim
I submit to that
which has no name.
failure will come in
repititions of thousands or more
in names so saccarine
pronounce the whore

fascinated by the fascination of
without and there within
drawn by the hopeless
power of men
brought to the reality of
nothing attained
life that is meaningless
a perfect stain

Saturday, September 3, 2011

No pretty way to say it

No pretty way to say these things, no pretty way to pose
I watched this happen right under my hands, under my nose
I watched it work its filthy magic just as it always did
slowly and precisely, it packed the can and closed the lid
It was perfected, as any evil thing would be
I watched it reach into its pocket hiding the key
No pretty words could be spoken from such putrid lips
Quietly that pretty thing, from reality, it slips
I guess in time, in gardens, pretty things may grow again
And maybe on the wind, a pretty breeze may blow away my sin

And finally there may an enlightening answer
to every form of chaos binding cancer.

Our sentence, our guilt.

And she said
"I want it quick, quick
as the answer
the sure answer to
all questions...ended."
And she said
"I don't want this
human condition, and
no one understands."

I was her breath to reason
when no reason existed,
her ear to the answer.

And the voices beside me said
"Dive from the deep end when
you know you cannot swim.
Watch the flesh move and
"You will understand that
there is more reason than this."
And she said
"A pile of flesh, it wouldn't be
my fault, If you answer it for me."
"My legacy is to die and I want
it to end quickly after the verdict."
One breath, she said, then gone.
And she asked...
"Is that so wrong?"

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Paranoid bliss

Yes, I am scared of your own reflection
and I am scared of mine too.
please peel me free from this rendition of
what erupted into life anew
false hope, I convince myself
that you must fill me with
that's how it goes, deep into
a wandering version of a myth
what if i can climb to the surface
show my face? It is slipping-
surely slipping, from my
hands back to that place.
I can kill it, dead as dead has been
but yet, gets
the best of me- I cannot see
My dread wrapped in admiration
sometimes it pricks the scenes
with fascination-I feel it break
As soon as words erupt and become real
oh, this is the torturous pain
I take and that I feel.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

sweet agony

Has my blood pumped ever so urgently
as when you were mine,
I sit and waste time
dawdling in our fantasies.
Each moment is but a fleeting
memory in the making
each night a dream
of you would awaken
Have my fists clenched so tightly
oh so desperately, I cannot pray
if you were but a breath away...
"oh stay, please don't leave"
I would ask,
"and weather this horror with me,
this task."
I find happiness that could never be,
Has my heart ever ached like this
in this blindness I see?
A lie would be truth,
if both were free.
Have I grown hungry with thoughts
of this,
an eerie hollow disguised as bliss?
Or has it all been lost in
that very last kiss
have my tears finally
given me the answer...
Is this my madness
come to fruition?

Sunday, June 12, 2011


Within the thorny tangles,
there is no escape.
I keep tracing the lines
of your face finding
winding roads-
dead ends..and no amends.
All those smiles
with empty eyes, yes
generate the most powerful
lies, I would guess
One captivity falls
victim to another
yet I deem to smother
in kisses sweet.
With lingering
words so afraid this
is where I been
this is where I laid.
Winding, pulling,
tugging touches
yet, every sentiment
and my heart blushes...
Every doomed and unfit
poison seduction-
a powerful concoction
among the prickly
brambles of a poor production.
There is simply no excuse
for a love like this.

Friday, May 27, 2011

A giggle with God

God sat with me a bit and told me just a part of it
and with my lies I bid him stay for a night and then a day.
For I had so much to share sitting in my underwear
being me and just the same, he knew my heart and yes, my name.
God was cool and just a dude, he was in the brightest mood
I smiled real big and oh so happy, as he told his tale so sappy
of how love would conquer all for the big and for the small
and how rich the meek would be, even him up in the tree.
He who offered christ his rest, dinner-conversation's best
Zaccariah was his name, oh , i giggled at that name
oh I chuckled, squealed and fluttered at sound of the strange name.

God he rose and chose to leave, and to what I cannot believe
yes, he scolded me right there, yes, there in my underwear.
He said, "girl, you should listen still, its my power and my will
why is everything of mirth, way back to your time of birth?
When you laugh in the face of god you will surely get the rod
you will know he deals quite fair, you will feel it in his care
so, be quiet nymph of night or you shall meet your dooming plight
of such death you joke about as you flutter, scream and shout
little fairy, see my fire, neither killer, nor the liar
shall avoid their given fate,that only I can seperate

So I stopped my silly game, did not giggle at that name
Quite shadows I retired, as his pure glory fire fired
away he went so soft so still, leaving me with my own will.


White even with the night
Cold that which is old
silence born through violence
bold but yet the stories told


dreams are but my screams
replaid those memories made
dread has made my bed
played those tunes inlaid


nothing soothes the nothing
brain which cannot explain
Heart that really has no part
in vain, which keeps me sane


Sunday, May 1, 2011

Say it with me...Osama Bin Laden...Is DEAD!

Say it with me....Osama...Bin...Laden....ISSSSS..frakin DEAD!!!!

<iframe width="250" height="172" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Oh Asphalt

Oh Asphalt

Under my feet,
I feel you press
upward for dominance.
Darkness anchoring
a world of light and sound
reminding me
of what is underneath.
Hard and cold, you are,
covered in scars
of the past.
Covered in filth
only cleansed by the rain.

Oh asphalt

black ice ghosts
whisper thin vapors
in one hundred degrees.
You sing to me
as my sneakers
race across your face.
You are there to
embrace me somehow.
Your humming
when silence prevails,
reminding me
that you are never really silent.

Oh asphalt...
born of a desire
for a way back home.
Supporting us
taking our punishments
as your own.
On your back you
carry our burdens

Oh Asphalt

Fegger's sadness

Your sadness reaches deep within
and pulls at my heart strings
and now your sadness brings the tears
from many other things.
The love that's lost,
the death that steals.
the pain that rips
and never heals...
Your sadness in my reminiscing
brings the past to kill me.
Your sadness in my darkest night
some how seems to thrill me.
But just for you and no one else
I hold your sadness dear.
I cradle you inside my arms
and feed you with my fear.
My heart goes out to you, my dear
and it sings a song of woe.
If I could reach inside your mind
I'd lay your sadness low.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The heart is still at it....

To feel the spark between our touch
would feel like heaven and such…
would feel like mezmerizing
tantalizing magic, too much!
your face so close, lips on my ear
my breath is yours, when you are near
oh how I wish, oh how I wish
for you, right here…right now
Just a vow and maybe more
I swear I heard you at my door
I heard you gasp and laugh in glee
you wanted oh much more of me
and in a moment, a little rush
I saw that moment in a push
I stopped mid breath
my heart was skipping
and yours was mine and ripping
despite your silly little fears
your heart spoke my name
amidst your tripping
through cyber tears
and senseless fears
you broke
then I awoke
you were not here
still chokes me

Read more:

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Caught in passing

At the moment I felt it,
your leaving was profound.
 For that moment
In that moment,
 I felt it inside
 like an urging.
I felt you pass through
the film of reality
into something else.
Don't wonder where you went

please, poor soul...

for I would lie to you

saw nevaeh tahw tlef I?

or hell...

Do not ask me about it.
I felt you leave
that moment in time...
when time reversed for us
and then began again...

without you.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


Kiss me once more
as you lay me down to sleep.
I feel your heartbeat next to mine,
'tam tam'... that pounds so distant and so deep;
and yet just in my ear.

But you’re no longer here.
Soft whispers bring my sleep
as dawn breaks slowly; the sky is clear.
Smiling, I fall into dreams of you
 telling me  goodbye. Should I cry?

Of course I shouldn’t …So I say goodnight.

 Sometimes I do not quite know why
your words gets mingled in mine.
But this fleeting image of you
burns into all time.
I hold my pillow closely
burying my tears in softness;
smelling the scent of truth
and letting you soak into my skin.

where did it begin?

I still search, frantically, desperately;
within my tumultuous mind–yes, within.

I need to find the reason for this
a reason, a poem, a rhyme
My memory fades into the scenes
of chaotic sleep; my mind
Chances to dream and
follow our shadows that intertwine.

I offer my heart with thorns
 that tangle
my love with yours and yours with mine.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My loup-garou

inside my lunacy hollow .
 torturous zephyr
pull and tug...I swallow
I can almost hear you call to me
on the breeze, senses inflamed...
On my flesh, in my eyes
feral beast...I cannot tame

come to me

Take this gift
from my chest
where the drums pound
void of rest
in the rift till now

My loup-garou...My dear
you are my last faithful vow
silken voices in the trees
whisper things that ruin  me
rumble rumble
but the skies are clear

come to me, my dear

Oh, the stars will watch
my demise...
my love but thine
phantom of the forest
stop this breath of mine
near my rest, my plee...

Come to me

My open arms scream my mortality
black and suffocating life
no more

come to me

Your bite-the open door
set me free

Sunday, March 27, 2011


Unfulfilled, it will always be
like grasping seeking hands
ever empty, wanting, hungry
-striving it never understands...
the logic, which is magic
and simple yet to most
 nothing can convince her heart
to stop her eager, seeking  ghost
the one so close and far away
that finds such silly game
when anger burns the hurt inside
but love remains the flame
it's all the same
so torturous, so cold it seems
when lying in the darkest dreams
and feeling hands upon her skin
thoughts known as words are born
relish in this delicioius sin
and burn again in scorn
mojo make a darkened soul
and gris gris tie my heart
ju ju say that i cant go
no never will i part

Friday, March 25, 2011

Tysha's love

I love you
rancid, rotten.
I love you
musty, moldy.
I love you-
oh, fowl the stench.
Under earth
in Sunday’s best,
you rest.
Dreaming not,
silent lay
your chest.
I love you
skin is slipping,
in putrefying brew.
I lay down...
on top of you
I love you.
I dig deeper;
nails packed
with the earth.
I am witness
to the ground
as it gives birth.
I love you.
I love you.
You take my hand
in mushy rot
pulling me to you.
I understand
no matter what
I love you

Thursday, March 24, 2011

It happened again, and I am not surprised
but this is me
... and that is you and...
 if you cant hack it then...
 screw it.

 I am so used
to it after all.

When I showed you what I was hidding
inside my little cringed and...
 you said that you wouldn’t and...
 you lied so screw you and...

false face.

And when the monsters came you pretended to
care but maybe you were the monster and...
 then you left the scene of the crime...
 with bloody hands...

you liar.

You said that I didn’t scare you and...
 that I was just a girl and...
 so I shared way too much and...

 I regret it

You said so much and so little it is true but guess what
that is what they all say...

right before they fuck you.

Monday, March 21, 2011


That melody envelopes me
into your senuous reverie,
And your hypnotic, poison sea
of pleasure.

And oh what pain this pleasure brings
up through my torso to my wings,
as your hands race across those strings
of magic.

Your music knows no boundaries.
It thinks, it hears and yes, it sees
It loves with no obsenities.
It is pure.

Sending me into the throws
of unrelenting bliss that grows
and deep inside of him, he knows
my adoration.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I do love you

It doesnt matter, it seems
if love's tied in a  knot

you fill my dreams with you

with rough roving hands
you take my soul and place
it into your own space
witchcraft, I say
but you smile it away
and tell me that I am a funny girl
I push away over my shoulder, the ginger curl
and giggle in time with your climax.

oh dear, you push me too far
into your sticky sweet dark thickening tar
doesnt matter at all
if I choose to fall...
into your strong arms and gasp in delight
I could love you and lose my sight
wouldn't matter
your heartbeat pounds against my ear
as i pull you ever closer, near
I have no regrets as of yet
but my love is like a drunken pirouette

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


From the giant machination
deep within the press machine
in the midst of Herlan’s rhythm
round the punch and in-between
Under foot, Pigmat is watching
Softened steel, the product born
With every beat a drop has fallen
all neglected and forlorn.
Hardened pieces fall in random
from the gaping metal hole
bleeding freely, oil is feeding
soaking soothing Pigmat’s soul.
Under foot and under pressure
likely servant to the deed
thriving in the blood of progress
dying with production’s need
You will see him in the darkness
giving meaning to the cause
Pigmat offers up his body
to the tired relentless paws
greasy hands are ever reaching
tossing Pigmat to his death
he is destined yet to serve them
with his last disposing breath


The knife cries out to me..

“Take revenge!”
The gun shouts,

“Show them who’s boss!”

My fists sing, with
uninhibited glee,

“We’re free!”

So there is one thing
that I wish that
I could be.

I wish I could
be you right now;
the victum of my rage
I wish I could have sympathy
for the pain I feel.
My knife cuts deep
you see; deep inside
this mystery.
I wish I could
feel the torment
and then kiss
it goodbye
so easily...
like a gunshot
wound to the thigh.

That is nothing.

Your gun blows
away the dreams
that no one can replace.
 why is
there terror on
your face?
It warrants
pity from the ones
who do not know
your guilt.

My knuckles are
cracked and bleeding
and bandaged by
the careless man
who decided to
believe you.

I wish I could
be you right now,
recovering from
the pain.

Is the dream dead?

I once dreamed that the sun shone bright
and your hand within my hand was warm.
We walked through grasses tall and waving
in some strange eternal summer.

I long for your touch; your whispered words
to soothe me from my heartache,
to cradle me beneath the pines
and there, you finally tell me your secrets.

There, suddenly a  vision came to welcome me
with a picture of the way we never were and
how it was never summer without you.

oh, we never shared our heartbeats...

Now I dream alone tonight remembering
holding an empty promise never lived
talking to the cold wind and relentless stars...

I wish I could not wish...

....but I will keep on dreaming


I will always be alone
borrowed, lended, second best
I will always wait right here
for whoever needs the rest
I will make myself available
as some old common whore
for who I hold my love for
and who now needs it more
I know that I mean nothing
displaced and empty too
a fragment of a person who
gives love to you and you and you...

when needed I am perfect
special, precious baby doll
I am sweetness, sugar darling
to whomever wants to call
to whomever that I fancy or
better yet, who fancies me
I am the apple of their eyes see
when the time comes needeth be

Putting away the dead thing

It feels so unnatural
to go against my heart...
when it beats with such dread


within my chest

and it screams out your name
in strange dreams.

It claws and it tears
trying desperately to break free
from the prison-

how can such cold things


bars of ribs that encase it-

no eyes peer out those windows

I am really not confused
by the hollow beatings
of my heart.

nor the persistence of it's stares

I understand its language
but I plug my ears.

yearning yearning...
fists are turning
digging into skin
thats burning

I cannot hear the pleading and begging.

It will do no good to try and reason with it.

beating my chest till it's raw

So I think that it is dying
just starving to death
and I have refused to feed it.

neglect in the highest form

But importance must come, in
 knowing its place.

It seems it is better off dead
than free.

And so I pack it away
in a little bone box
surrounded by sucking life
of defeat.

I soon forget
that it is there at all.

With luck, I will have no memory
of its existence.

what did you say...

bout love?

Not Away

Your deep, so many,
they have graced me one by one
And so the saddest failings have
returned void of the one.
You have danced with me, and me
with you until that day returned--
I have returned, and so be it
in hell, I guess I'll burn.
I know this shell, this body
it  simply does not mind...
my futile attempts, my dear,
to make you see when blind

I will make you see when blind
know the being from inside,
feel my coming to your bed
making truth of all I lied.
Rising up from phantoms past,
lantern lit, the virgin comes.
I am ready for the calling,
fists are shaking on the drums.
Lips they quiver, and they speak
silent chants to draw you near,
as the words from past, envelope
present whispers on your ear.
Silent drops of admiration
as the drugs course through my soul.
I will feel those arms of heaven
take their prize and take their toll.
As those waters lick the shore now
and the dead ones stay devoted-
I will journal all the verses,
I will keep those quotes you quoted.
I will keep those quotes you quoted.
I will keep those quotes you quoted.
I will keep those fucking quotes you quoted.

I will keep your poems dear

You will know me once again
as you knew me long before.
I will give to you the answer
I will open up the door.
Sleep so silent on your pillow
not a motion not a sound.
I will sleep upon my cushion
just as silent, underground

don't be daft, thats just a draft
there are no phantoms

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Dreams bite

It's a horrible sight
when dreams seem to bite
When chasing you, hunting you
into the night..
When having no mercy
and loving your pain,
dreams will disrobe you
and rape you again.
It's a horrible thought
when dreams are congealing 
 lying on a cold slab
staring at the ceiling
feeling your new fangs
burst through your gums
knowing your dreams killed
all of your chums
It's  a horrible  day
when your dreams aren't there
and you lie in a coffin,
with no hope, in prayer
dreams will not heal you
no dreams aren't kind
surely they'll drain you
when reading your mind.
It's  a horrible death
when dreams hold the key
staring and comparing
no reflection of me

Monday, March 14, 2011

The girl inside

She sang a song so lovely
it rang thru time and space.
She sang a song of nothing
and then caressed my face.

Her heart was torn in peices
but she sang her song to me.
I saw the smile of torment
and longed to set her free.

I could not be the one,no
to bring her peace it seemed,
for all the love in heaven
could never fix the dream.

She sang of pain and lonliness
that soothed me all night long.
She ran her fingers thru my hair
then gave to me, her song.

So when I sleep I think of her
residing in my mind.
I'll feel her touch so tenderly
her voice I will rewind.

Her song it stays forever
inside the hell I feel.
I hear her sing of heaven
and I believe it's real.

The Other

In the beginning
there was you
and only with
your darkness,
Drew the light
into a swirling
mass of hope
for what was
In the beginning
I followed you
through filth
and putrid
script which
blew and you
just writ and writ
a new...

of awesome

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Trail of the tear

Each time you leave me here
I watch the trail of that one tear
as it falls upon my breast
there it finds its place of rest
until gasp, I shake it free
and it falls down the rest of me
moving warmth of one drop flow
from my knee down to my toe
feel it splash upon my feet
makes me recognize defeat
that my tears are shed in vain
in the midst of all the pain


Overly exaggerated form of this
encaged and eraged simple fix.
Motion erotic, robotic, complex
-quick fluid motion mimicking reflex.
Hold me, rearranging mixing parts,
pieces of broken mehcanical hearts.
Made over and pulled together in seams
stiches in the mental cold lazer beams.
Shudders and trembles-redundant vibration
situations so simple, made complex complication.
Lines of assembly, generic the people
turning the empty brass cup into full.
Building the vessel just so you won't drink
analyzing the empty cold brain just to think.


Sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared to hollow shell
sorrow sometimes welcoming
compared to this cold hell
sorrow can be blessing
and sorrow can be ripe
with new blood from the cuting
and hatred from the knife
don't think of sorrow, lightly
yes sorrow fills the void
sorrow makes us human
and gives life to the droid
sorrow can be soothing
and sorrow makes us whole
the pain you feel of sorrow
can fill your barren soul