Saturday, June 29, 2013

How do I kill the heart

So how do you kill the heart?
This thing I wish to impart
a lesson neither cruel nor

embraced by love’s poor fool.
Be it hemlock in a haze
or the sudden drunken craze
Or shall it be the deep pits
of sadness when my will quits
Give me radioactive material
or some rat posion in my cereal
A sudden blow to the brain
while driving manic through the rain
So many ways to die, but can you kill the heart
I often ask myself each time we do depart
Would this terrible wrenching sadness cease to be
or would it play the ghost inside my haunted memory?

Read more:

If you should hide

A voice upon the breeze
caresses and reminds me
that you are near-
still near as a whisper.
I turn, gasping, to greet you.
Before me, open trail
and I am alone.
A warmth upon my neck,
I back into a wall of flesh.
Smiling, I turn to see you and
my lover dissapates before me.
Where have you roamed?
My heart beats in unison
with your memory.
Now, only for moments,
you hold me near.
Then, you leave me lying,
buried in the autumn foliage.
Your love for me fades
as does your countenance.
If you should hide,
I am still yours.
Even as you run away
into the forest cover,
I will wait here for you–
I promise.
Until you place your phantom
fingers upon my kiss
then bend to take my
soft flesh between your lips–
devouring me.
Tho your presence is rare
and seasons change,
my love does not.

Read more:

Friday, June 28, 2013


Should you find the way out
show me how
fidgeting and angry
feel alone
and torn
should you find the way out
no longer hurt
and neglect
this is now
should you find the way out
take a bow
and maps
show us how
so tired, sweetie
just wanna speak
and cry
should you find the way out
for it hurts me so
to watch your pain grow
and I know that you know that I know...
should you find the way out

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Spirit Tales

view my creepy short stories...and be delightfully disturbed...hehe

Funky love ghost

I spoke to the bottle
and it spoke back
I smiled and i laughed
and gave it a smack

Too silly to care
if I knew what to do
cuz all I could think of
was talking to you

Alone in the night
bout to fall from my chair
I heard your voice
turned, and you were not there

I looked around slowly
in fear of your ghost
to see you again dear
I dreaded the most

Not cuz i dont love you
or cuz i dont feel
it's just that the phantom
would cease to be real

And if you did come now
I guess I could cope
and dwell in the morning
with residual hope

I am full of poison
and spirits consume me
my mind is a blur now
and yet I'm not free

so leave me to deal with
my anger and pride
as I drink myself stupid
and enjoy the ride

down the darkened path

On past the trail
I follow you there
pulled by the stare
you eager face fair
unwound and unbound
untamed by a love
your scritching and scratching
from the limbs up above
A beast that has hunted
my body tonight
then took flight
as I gasped in the
aching of sight
I just might
live the night through
or be eaten by you
doesn't matter, I speak
for I know I am weak
and I hate you for bringing
my body to peak
in the dead of the forest
we kissed, oh what bliss
in the fear of the rustling
things in the mist
I relinquished my soul
as you knew it would be
so i tried but i died
and the night never lied
but it craved and it hungered
then it rained and it thundered
till there was no trace of me
nor of thee

those sweet things

And you said you wanted good things
like things of light and sweetness.
You said you wanted me to smile
with peace and all completeness.
So, I give to you my deep dreams
of things not quite so dark,
but if I give to you these things
then you must take my heart.
Oh, these things they come together,
I am wholey packed and made.
You cannot get the smiles without
the special place we made.
You cannot get my flesh dear
without grasping wanting hands.
You cannot get the things you want
unless she understands.
So if you smile before me
and offer me all these,
I offer you my love dear
as i give my hot release.
Hold me
Pull me
Bring me near
Fill me
Take me
Lick the tear
It is yours
as you crave
just tell me when
I should behave.
Tell me when
I should go away.
Tell me dear
when I should stay
I am yours
and you know it's true.
I find the light
inside of you.

there be rats

In the old back woods

we watched him lay to see

his soul before the world

in this captivity.

In the old back woods

he spoke a language be

in mumblings incoherent

to be as he should be.

A rag, a bone and hair

he shrank two sizes, three

and scampered underneath

the leaves among the tree.

His eyes so beady blackened

he still could stare at me

and he led his army onward

to make the putrid flee.

A tail so long and mangy

flipped two and fro in glee as

he motioned for his cousins

to chant the words of we…

in order to be free.

the release

admiration, I gave
and then turned away
twirling spinning
and falling into
my dismay
fretting, fuming
and gritting my
teeth with my hate
feeling, knowing
the torment
making one
making one
know the reason
for frailty and these
are like tears on
the shoulder of one
who you please
like lies that are true
oh so true that they lie
like a corner so dark
you cant move from your eye
like sins unforgiven
and no one finds peace
i feel the remainder
of pain's cold release
now deceased
given over to lust
in the morn
given over to something
that you have to scorn
laying motionless
bodies, I give my soul
till i lie in the coffin
as death beside you.
no pain now...none

the end

the end,well it creeps and it makes itself known
the end it was bargained, its soul  it has shown
those words that I said to you quite as you dared
not knowing the face of the  dead as you stared
it waited until you were gone, fast asleep
it waited for dawn, but till then it would creep
the end, it was ragged, and bitter and torn
the end was unbearable, and love did it scorn
I felt the cold end as it gripped me with hate
moving to nothing my thirst would not sate
the end was so hollow, so numb and so dry
as the end placed the penny upon my dead eye
the breath was released as the moth flew away
the end was like  nightfall, gave finish to day


If sadness hasn't reached me
then will my pen relate?
If darkness has not taught me
those silly things of fate,
and your hand has been absent
and my flesh has grown cold.
Will make believe continue
the love that has grown old ?
If blood has stopped its travel
and lips have ceased to speak,
Will you then still remember
the babble of the weak?
Will you still remember
that I have craved you so
Or will you walk the road
that my love will not go?


weight of your body upon me, I feel
the strange sensation of something not real
the odd vibration in tune with the night
those eyes in passion portraying the light
pushing upon me, my will to be free
you stretch out your arms to welcome me
and then I see.
One moment of truth, one dread that I fear
I want just to hold you, to bring your heart near
to hear all those nothings fall onto my ear
this to me is not a game oh my dear
I see clear
I struggle to move you, your weight is too strong
I open my lips to sing loudly our song
and out of the window, they hear it, the throng
I beg and I plead for the moment done wrong
to be gone
You push your cold finger against my soft lips
and I suck all the nectar from your fingertips
my mind is awash with your lies and my trips
the blood and the honey it drips
and you nip
taking a little into your whole being
the monster before me, I know I am seeing
but i lay here beneath you instead of just fleeing
I gasp as you enter me
pulling you closer
I feel your whole soul in my throat
Calling out your name in riddles
whimpering into the death of my dreams
I relinquish to you, my control
those times you have taken
as you take me now
are gone in the uselessness
of  time somehow


oh, defeat that she will give

past the time she wasted, live

yet,  the tears did drown the sive

but, she still tried to catch them.

Oh, she was the best to please

to all of them and all of these

make behave and make believes

but never did she give it

heart cave in so as  is we

drama filled as I may be

yet so true that you don’t see

what she felt,  she owned it.

needed and yet seperated

the baby cried and so  frustrated

cried. oh woe, for woe is traded

is she.* wipes eyes* yet, undone?

She wandered here and yet she knew

and wandered there and never true

until she found her heart in you

peace and yet her heart is void.

heart felt empty still unknown

Those accusations made alone

wrapped around the rag and bone

choked her half to hell and back

fame her weakness made her limber

finding in herself the member

she hated that she could remember

heart so dark. She held it near.

resented  the betrayal lept

into flames burned all except

someone she admired and kept

in his darkened ego.

she felt it and the  desperate plee

to understand the ways, and the

reasons for her groveling plee

sit within her loss and cried

Of the dwindling pride did  stir

it made the hate well up in her

make believe and then did stir

fear of invisible nothings.

Oh, but words, her only friend

took hold her hand with hungry pen

another world so deep within

made a better her for her

pulling threads that surely scar

bound and stitched her hurt by far

like the strings on a guitar

pulled so close she was them

wounds o wounds with scars that drip

from her eyes I took a sip

with my hand i traced the rip

that made her smile again.

Let me sleep...forever

Do not wake me again
no wishes, i have to repair this
You cannot fix me, nor bind my wounds
I am broken...forever
I am all that you fear
dispair, hopelessness, hate
fear, cold, lonliness
Do not wake me again
I have dug my hole
wide and deep and hungry
I will satisfy  its desires
no hope, no life, no wants
no needs, no joy, nothing
Do not wake me again
I do not wish to hear the birds
I do not wish to smell the air
it is rancid in its dread
As I lay my head upon the pillow again
I smile with contentment
yes, I had rather be dead.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

saving mommy

Your sweet voice
is soft whispers spoken,
an innocent saving
me from myself.
Little hands grasp
pulling me closer

 "I love you"

Even though I
am undeserving
of your love.
Precious little person
I do not know you
and time has stolen so much
giving back so little.
How can I regain
what was taken?
How can your
love be enough?
You never give up.
Every word you speak
cuts through the dark
waters that engulfs
my soul...
and they reach
me some how and
bath me in light
for the moment.


pulled and tugged and tied in knots
of what it is and what it's not

drug away by false imaginations
wallowing in my dead procrastinations

Tell me lies again as you draw near
whisper things of nothing in my bleeding ear

lure me to the place I long to die
kiss me once again as I start to cry

Soothe me deep and warm my skin
drive the knife so deep within

hurt me as you heal my pain
love me now yes once again

I dont care to be free from it
but I scream as love has bit

I feel myself as I dive down deep
and lose my soul as I lose my sleep

I dream at last and it is filled with you
And there is nothing that I can do

Bad Wine

It is tender in it's frailty
the first tear that falls;

a drop filled with truth.

It is a horrible peice of me,
a regret that spoke.

The moment is circling.

I have been here before
It is beautiful, the lie,
a smile coaxed to life
and a laughter in pain.


Your story is quite sweet;
you kiss the pain away.

Your words are like slivers of glass
and i dance on tip toes.

  Shards slip in releasing the
crimson flood of my defeat;


Looped and repeating;
i watch outside the shell,
consciousness floating above.

Numb, i flail for something
solid to ground me;
focusing on your words
of comfort.

You thank me for
being honest and

I beg for your return.

A word spoken betrays
spaces between, sad letters-
and you are gone.

It begins again

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Life said more

life said more
as if i was willing
to live it...
pain said yes
to the edge I
was willing to give it.
hiding alone in
a cold cell/
battered beaten
... and wandering
life said
take this and take that
till life seemed
to fall flat
as my body was lying
cold prone
but life has been
cruel and patterned
with gruel
till I have been
anchored alone

life said more
give and then go
and then make
and then form
and then speak...

life said to me
this is not over yet

I will torture
and confine the

giving more than
the humanoid body
can take
I will rise up and
strike you once more

I will give to you
measure and measure
of hate
till you crawl on
your knees to deaths

then life said more
and more of this hell
till the waves of your
suffering swell

I was done...sorely done
with all life had to give
and with day coming near
I would run
I was done ...sorely done
with humanities care
so I made all my peace
with the gun

life said why..oh why
and it cried

but death and i mourned
while society scourned
while life
took a knife
not for me, nor forewarned
for life took a dive
and it died

Sunday, June 16, 2013

deeply embedded

How deeply embedded
is the nail, spike
..the burning blade?
I placed the code
did you get it?
Where in this hell we
have made...
where is mercy
going hard?
The purpose is nothing;
life dealt its card.
Blinded and raving;
animals within
pacing, fuming...
recreating the sin.
So where do I begin?
I've been broken
 from the beginning...
destined to be your creep.
I see now
why I cannot sleep.
Let's face it...
I'm worm food
now--later--doesn't matter.
Dreams show me
the aftermath's splatter.
Courage... one step-
pressure vice
grinding down...
Wouldn't it be nice
if this were but a dream...
and my heart didn't
But you are oblivious
and you suffer not
by this disease that I got.

how deeply embedded...

dreaded and looked upon
with eyes of reluctance
forgetting my human

a waving grass in fields of hundreds...

a grain of sand amongst millions

something which means nothing

to you

you...who are
and deeply embedded
in yourself.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The process and the pattern

They've come again,
those horrid things.
The pale encounter
of numb men wings...
about to burst
and open forth-
a thing with no remorse.

I grip so tight
that which holds
in madness, lives
I have been told.
These actions of
such pure disgrace;
the truth is here
upon my  face...

and in my eyes.

A quickness of
the blade I weild
will be my sword
defense- my shield.
Upon the softness
lies in wait-to take
my sanity...
and I shall break

the skin.

I watch the bead and as it grows,
I weep and let my pain disclose
so many secrets that's been kept.
So good...I opened and I wept.
To open up and crimson flows
nobody understands nor knows
and as the trail it travels to
the pictures that I keep of you.
They splatter onto loves pure face
and finally I know my disgrace.
Colors red, they tell my heart
and not just any tiny part.
As the wounds begin to feel
and as I try so hard to heal
one more word comes in to meaning


The grim truth

Given over to her
a blur, I saw you there
starring through the window
bend low, peer deeply...
sweetly she caresses
and blesses your brow
now I know the truth
proof of what was real
feel it! feel it! my descension
tension grips and flexes
complexities and retributions
solutions to the problem of you and I
cry false tears despite what is obvious
pios and proud fake woman
some day all will be known
flown away in full view
new to this sort of hurt
flirt with disaster then hide
wide is your love, but not deep as mine
the wine has gone bad
had trips in the wine glass
mass in black and red...dead
I said it was you and him
grim was my truth

Monday, June 10, 2013

Ill humanity

Ill humanity
reaching new heights
of digust
searching for more
humility through
in this protective
to bring fortunate
thought to sanity

Ill humanity
always frightening
bringing about
vast emotions
bustling msucles
of patriotic fabric
a frailty
I see the honesty
and the debauchery

Ill humanity
sperates us
from them
remembering what
was once
and holy
take this hard body
caress the shell
of resistence
pump the air full
of my retaliation

Ill humanity
loaded, cocked and
steady your hand
and remember
what this was all

I wonder....

I wonder if you think of me
ever when away
do you pine for my attentions
as you go about the day
I wonder
I wonder how you sleep at night
when I cant sleep at all
do you walk around with power
while on my knees I crawl
i wonder
I wonder do you gorge youself
on delicious treats and such
while I just sit and think of you
and never eat that much
i wonder
I wonder does your body ache
not with your tiresome work
but ache as if your soul has died
and you cant help but lurk
i wonder
I wonder if you think of me
yes, think of me at all
while all I do is think of you
for you're my wonderwall
i wonder
doesn't seem fair

Sunday, June 9, 2013


I was burning
churning in the fire
desire was drowning away
stay you said stay
play this game with me
free, you shouldn't be are imperfect
in retrospect, a thing
a fling I never had
sad that you had to go
so...we must re create
satiate this lust undone
sun has risen, time has past
last thing on my mind is you
true, so true...still solid
fled into that darkened state
abate and the first thing too

I should have gotten over you
but the glue didn't stick