Unrelated pain

Stop creating hate for me
see there is no connection
perfection between the broken
unspoken thing...you or he???
free the fear you harbor
far from the truth this hypothosis
all this hhypnosis...spell I cast
past the norm into paranoia
boy ya got it allllll wrong...
the song you hear rings false
waltzes to a beat of your own making
shaking from teh unfair assumption
your gumption has failed
wailed quietly within the night
right??? you are not right
my plight sings a sad song
wrong is more akin to
you know me not, tis true
pursue the idea that you caused this
miss the actuality of it all
fall victim to pride with in vain
strain to hear the rhythm..you are deaf

hear no evil
see no evil
I put her away
stay not with me
flee, I am full
lull myself to sleep
keep vigil with my timd
instead of digging up the spirit
quit...oh quit..one says
less says the other
smother her deep with regret
set in solid depth of sin
then good tidings she brings
sings sad and not to taint
haint of cemetary souls
roles to play, masks to wear
care me not, bed was made
paid the price..and I sleep
again
until


your will is broken
again

None of these sins
have fasioned my heart
and his heart to break
make no mistake

driven to madness

look at me, I cannot speak
weak by the intensity
pure sensitivity of
wanting more and more
whore, so be it
please dont
quit...I am fascinated
traded my heart in
then broke it for you
its true, these things
wings, pictures, lines
mine's a passion undone
none can catch my eye
lie, oh please lie
die to the truth
proof that fantasies
please me so...
dont go and leave me here
fear would steal
and cease to heal
my wounds...left before
I implore you....give to me
see inch by inch with those eyes
reality in the real
feel with rough hands
lands of soft skin
sin untasted
wasting away
without

lips burning for contact
its a fact...

you want this
kiss that yearns
burns for me
see and feel
real but dreams
seems I am


tormented...
and driven to madness

heart in exile

keeps hurting and hurting
a spurting blood heart
part of the pain, it stays and
plays forever behind bars
I've scars that cannot be hidden
over ridden with lies
and the eyes I cannot forget
set to destroy my existence
since that one moment in time...

that I cannot remember

I climb upon the stage
in a cage, I scream in pain
rain I cry in streams
It seems, I talk to myself

really...

what else is there

My bare and barren heart steals
more deals from the dark one
the sun will not shine and
mine is a dark love
above, clouds cover brightness
the lightness fades and fades
as tirades march inside

I cannot hide

 I cannot hide

I ride this out and smile
while my heart breaks
this takes so much from me
I see, head down, don't look

I say

My book, written page by page
rage by rage, grieving hard
my card has been played
Oh, I stayed true to my desire
fire burns,things destroyed
toyed with my emotions but
potions never used...

 no witch

switch roles and see-
me for who I really am
damn this world

 damn!

 damn!

slamming doors, ripping skin
let me in...i say, let my in
my sin is not too great
separate this from that again
.....
reverse
rewind

bind this wound

never good enough

you're never good enough
no matter how hard you try
thank goodness I have such
an ability to cry
an ability to doubt
every word from my mouth
every mother taught their baby
here in the deep south
every father beat it into
little bodies as they cried
thank goodness I was an expert
when I stole and when I lied
when I drank the brandy down
and I hid away at night
thank goodness he didnt find me
half the time I took flight
You're never good enough
no matter what you do
it seems the only person
who knows the truth is you

the tear

Each time you leave me here
I watch the trail of that one tear
as it falls upon my breast
there it finds its place of rest
until I gasp, and shake it free
It travels down the rest of me
moving warmth of rivers flow
from my knee down to my toe
I feel it splash upon my feet
makes me recognize defeat
that my tears are shed in vain
in the midst of all the pain

Oh Master

Close the clasp and hook the leash
set me at your feet
I stare up with saddened eyes
never wanting my release
just love
Humming softly hand in hair
then you pat my head
standing then you tug on me
to follow you to bed
for love
Pull me to you gently as
you grow beneath my tummy
kiss my lips so tenderly
the taste is oh so yummy
like love
Have you way and do your deed
grasp me take me make me bleed
All these things I desperately need
and love
Die your death and I die mine
upon your chest I tremble
But this is what I fear the most
a sad goodbying symbol
much love
but not real love.

Fester

A gripping tearing dread it is
to put upon my head, the sole
responsibility of what I always dread.
A knawing endless pain I sense
as I move in to kiss, the heart
I thought was mine must surely be amiss
Yes, I hate this and I hate that but
nothing can remain, but the itching clawing
feeling that is rotting in my brain
The distant aching body, I can feel it
next to mine, the reason for this coldness
and the slow dead ring of time
I feel the darkness touch me and welcome
death to steal, the reason for this longing
and why I cannot heal.

I repent

silhoettes of things long gone
haunted songs in the throng....

faces pale and unmoving
hands so cold and unsoothing...

I repent

less is more and more is less
I realized as I undressed...

I repent

hands are roving grabbing owning
servants now lay prone and groaning...

I repent

the blood i saw and lies I told
gave the youth to those of old...

soul was mine before the dawn
as I lay stretched upon the lawn...

emryonic sad and void of myrth
never reaching pre-sumed birth...

tearing ripping quiet the knife
every roving the dear dear wife...

oh god...
I repent

left empty

still the owner
of my dreams
it seems I cannot
shake you from
my mind and time
will cease rewind
to bring me peace
and yet release
me from your binds
oh, hold me still
owner of my will
and bring me pain
until my tears are rain
go unnoticed once
again. Foul foul
traitor, user, man
all those things
i feel you can
provide and yet
you still my fears
in meeting
what a greeting or
sorrow, pleasure mixed
no tonic has fixed
these horrific yearnings
that no love has nixed
I hate you and yet so
much love when you will go
bring it rain till I will
know, you love me not
denial reigns within
brain filled with rot
refusing that which
you have told me clear
turned the switch
and whispered in my ear

"I can give you nothing."

you cannot love me

those calloused hands
those eyes so true
I feel my heart
belongs to you

....
but you say no
no no poor girl
you cannot be
part of my world
I will not love you
no not at all
for If i care
and if i fall
I will be doomed
a spiders prey
and at your feet
I will surely lay
I will submit
my heart as well
and then i fear
the pain of hell
and all will be
a total mess
and loving you
will bring distress
yes, loving you
is quite the feat
I fear my dear
i must retreat.

see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil

feel me
as i dig my nails into your flesh
feel me
i am as real as the leather and mesh
feel me
I am not done yet oh my dear
feel me
placing the darkness and the fear

hear me
I am whispering now inside your soul
hear me
I am the blood quivering in the bowl
hear me
last vibration before death takes you
hear me
last sweet dream before life wakes you

smell me
I am the rose upon your grave
smell me
I will give you a whiff if you behave
smell me
I am the tempting love unfinished
smell me
I am the scent that hate has diminished

see me
I am the star which wears the mask
see me
I am the hard liquir in that there flask
see me
I am the truth that leads you astray
see me
I am tomorrow that lies for today

be me
I am but nothing and nothing is good
be me
I have been you and you know i would
be me
it doesnt matter at all what you are
be me
trapped in the darkness locked in a jar

speak me
sad sad riddles that they understand
speak me
I am the devil that stands in your hand
speak me
touch me and listen to words that create
speak me
talk to me softly of love and of hate

kill me
I am now ready to take what I've earned
kill me
whether I suffocate, or if I am burned
kill me
make me go softly into that good night
kill me
knowing you finally done what is right

now rest child

nuthin

I will not cry
fore it would be in vain
I feel the wound,
the scar, the stain
I feel your soul
so deep within
tied in knots with
mine and my sin
fused and made
in the love we made
in the thickest form
of the game we played
but I will not cry
In case you say goodbye
I will hold that thought
with the pain this wrought
I will smile with the task
behind my spirit mask

The truth of sorrow

But sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared tothis hollow shell.
Sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared to this cold hell.
Sorrow can be a blessing
and sorrow can be so ripe,
with new blood from the cuting
and hatred from the knife.
Son't think of sorrow, lightly,
yes sorrow fills the void.
Sorrow makes us human
and gives life to the droid.
Sorrow can be soothing
and sorrow makes us whole.
The pain you feel of sorrow
can fill your barren soul.

downward desire

oh, this little ditty makes me feel so proud
to befriend this odd man who sings aloud
 he that sneaks about, with pen in hand
Can it be one who would understand
a plight that haunts and surely seizes
knows  secrets of pains that pleases
he knows the reason I cry till dawn
under stars, stretched on the lawn
to dream of a man, wild and free
he knows not my dreams of he
so entertaining till morning light
till my eyes would have no site
till the moon becomes the sun
I only crave and beg for one
then I cry for special kiss
I want, i hurt and I miss
a heart of mine, its pure
this I am for sure
I wait yet until
he comes again
I keep still
giving him
his thrill
fill

Despite it all

Despite my little fits of anger
and my pissy moaning state
I have deepened love and yearning
that no-one can dissipate

Despite your lies and whining
despite your arrogant shit
I can almost see the truth
right after I throw a fit

Despite your moody oddness
those things that make no sense
the dumbest things that you say
they make me feel so tense

despite the fact I bite my lip
and try to hide it well
I think that I would want you
and follow you to hell

Don't make me forget you

Do not make me forget
what I chose to remember
which path walks regret?
through fields or thick timber?
what laws should be broken
those moral or to protect
which lies should be spoken
to love or to neglect
which way should be wounded
and forever left tainted
the one that's familiar
or the one brightly painted
the one that is open
or one so mysterious
the one that is complicated
drunk and delirious
the one that was broken
and twisted and cold
the one that has promised its
love to grow old
oh, can you distinguish
one heart from the other
in this agony wishes
to drown and to smother

confused and comfounded
cant see right ahead
sore wings, I am grounded
things looked in my head

I can say, "I don't want this."
this thing that I seize
I can say, "I won't miss this."
this desired disease

Don't make me forget
what I chose to keep sacred
Don't make me leave heaven
for the hell that I bled

The transition

I am numbers...
things that are not percieved
as beautiful.
Ugly...
hard as facts and statements
invisible-forgotten
I am unisex-asexual
no desire no beauty
I cannot be seen
with the eyes
I am family, relations
troubled and avoided
I am no tantalizing
object of desire
If I was fire
I would be a
threat to your safety
burning your tongue
tasting reality....too much
I am solid, concrete
walking a line
of contempt
for myself.

My passionate brutality
ceases to exist in
one moment...I have lost

And then the kiss
grazing the surface
the scent arises
pronouncing my real name
the container erupts
gives way...
words like flies...scatter
flee in the wake of
your fear

She arrives
alone
excitable
and free
uninhibited
beauty is evident
boundaries explode
the heart dances
skin tingles
touch...