Tuesday, August 6, 2013


it was fragmented
broken and extended
an arm bloodied by
the war we pretended
it was hard and tough
and cold in the land
we beat ourselves
bloody by our own
driving hand
time expanded and
flew at us
like wild birds
we knew we could
not understand
all the words
but we traveled
and traveled
till our souls
were tired too
then finally we
rested under
skies not so blue
it was fragmented
and torn
it was ripped into
as we watched all
the monsters climb
back under beds
as we watched our
with the loss of our love
from pillows of
in boughs up above
it was fragmented
stolen and yes so
it just wasnt enough
for the time
that was lended
so I gave it back
to you and I wished
you all well
then i went to wage
war in the boughs
of my hell

it was fragmented
broken and
yes...so extended
it was something
that only with
could be mended.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

pain is bliss

the answer could be swift
a gift given freely
see me and know the truth
proof of madness
lean in and kiss my lips
sip my soul for your hunger
no longer time to reflect
neglect me again, please
seize the moment of torment
dont relent, just press on
son of satan, bride of hell
swell with spill after spill
pill to make you forget
I get it now, its dark
hark to the void of your soul
hole that can never be filled
drill this into your head
dead, death and his friends are fine
blood is spilled
twine your fingers into my own
atone for your sins and mine
time has no more place in this
kiss me, drown me ..what bliss
you are so kind
but come on boy...one more
lets rewind

Saturday, June 29, 2013

How do I kill the heart

So how do you kill the heart?
This thing I wish to impart
a lesson neither cruel nor

embraced by love’s poor fool.
Be it hemlock in a haze
or the sudden drunken craze
Or shall it be the deep pits
of sadness when my will quits
Give me radioactive material
or some rat posion in my cereal
A sudden blow to the brain
while driving manic through the rain
So many ways to die, but can you kill the heart
I often ask myself each time we do depart
Would this terrible wrenching sadness cease to be
or would it play the ghost inside my haunted memory?

Read more: http://healthmad.com/health/how-to-kill-the-heart/#ixzz2XfrEI5O4

If you should hide

A voice upon the breeze
caresses and reminds me
that you are near-
still near as a whisper.
I turn, gasping, to greet you.
Before me, open trail
and I am alone.
A warmth upon my neck,
I back into a wall of flesh.
Smiling, I turn to see you and
my lover dissapates before me.
Where have you roamed?
My heart beats in unison
with your memory.
Now, only for moments,
you hold me near.
Then, you leave me lying,
buried in the autumn foliage.
Your love for me fades
as does your countenance.
If you should hide,
I am still yours.
Even as you run away
into the forest cover,
I will wait here for you–
I promise.
Until you place your phantom
fingers upon my kiss
then bend to take my
soft flesh between your lips–
devouring me.
Tho your presence is rare
and seasons change,
my love does not.

Read more: http://authspot.com/journals/if-you-should-hide/#ixzz2XfoLVss2

Friday, June 28, 2013


Should you find the way out
show me how
fidgeting and angry
feel alone
and torn
should you find the way out
no longer hurt
and neglect
this is now
should you find the way out
take a bow
and maps
show us how
so tired, sweetie
just wanna speak
and cry
should you find the way out
for it hurts me so
to watch your pain grow
and I know that you know that I know...
should you find the way out

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Spirit Tales


view my creepy short stories...and be delightfully disturbed...hehe

Funky love ghost

I spoke to the bottle
and it spoke back
I smiled and i laughed
and gave it a smack

Too silly to care
if I knew what to do
cuz all I could think of
was talking to you

Alone in the night
bout to fall from my chair
I heard your voice
turned, and you were not there

I looked around slowly
in fear of your ghost
to see you again dear
I dreaded the most

Not cuz i dont love you
or cuz i dont feel
it's just that the phantom
would cease to be real

And if you did come now
I guess I could cope
and dwell in the morning
with residual hope

I am full of poison
and spirits consume me
my mind is a blur now
and yet I'm not free

so leave me to deal with
my anger and pride
as I drink myself stupid
and enjoy the ride

down the darkened path

On past the trail
I follow you there
pulled by the stare
you eager face fair
unwound and unbound
untamed by a love
your scritching and scratching
from the limbs up above
A beast that has hunted
my body tonight
then took flight
as I gasped in the
aching of sight
I just might
live the night through
or be eaten by you
doesn't matter, I speak
for I know I am weak
and I hate you for bringing
my body to peak
in the dead of the forest
we kissed, oh what bliss
in the fear of the rustling
things in the mist
I relinquished my soul
as you knew it would be
so i tried but i died
and the night never lied
but it craved and it hungered
then it rained and it thundered
till there was no trace of me
nor of thee

those sweet things

And you said you wanted good things
like things of light and sweetness.
You said you wanted me to smile
with peace and all completeness.
So, I give to you my deep dreams
of things not quite so dark,
but if I give to you these things
then you must take my heart.
Oh, these things they come together,
I am wholey packed and made.
You cannot get the smiles without
the special place we made.
You cannot get my flesh dear
without grasping wanting hands.
You cannot get the things you want
unless she understands.
So if you smile before me
and offer me all these,
I offer you my love dear
as i give my hot release.
Hold me
Pull me
Bring me near
Fill me
Take me
Lick the tear
It is yours
as you crave
just tell me when
I should behave.
Tell me when
I should go away.
Tell me dear
when I should stay
I am yours
and you know it's true.
I find the light
inside of you.

there be rats

In the old back woods

we watched him lay to see

his soul before the world

in this captivity.

In the old back woods

he spoke a language be

in mumblings incoherent

to be as he should be.

A rag, a bone and hair

he shrank two sizes, three

and scampered underneath

the leaves among the tree.

His eyes so beady blackened

he still could stare at me

and he led his army onward

to make the putrid flee.

A tail so long and mangy

flipped two and fro in glee as

he motioned for his cousins

to chant the words of we…

in order to be free.

the release

admiration, I gave
and then turned away
twirling spinning
and falling into
my dismay
fretting, fuming
and gritting my
teeth with my hate
feeling, knowing
the torment
making one
making one
know the reason
for frailty and these
are like tears on
the shoulder of one
who you please
like lies that are true
oh so true that they lie
like a corner so dark
you cant move from your eye
like sins unforgiven
and no one finds peace
i feel the remainder
of pain's cold release
now deceased
given over to lust
in the morn
given over to something
that you have to scorn
laying motionless
bodies, I give my soul
till i lie in the coffin
as death beside you.
no pain now...none

the end

the end,well it creeps and it makes itself known
the end it was bargained, its soul  it has shown
those words that I said to you quite as you dared
not knowing the face of the  dead as you stared
it waited until you were gone, fast asleep
it waited for dawn, but till then it would creep
the end, it was ragged, and bitter and torn
the end was unbearable, and love did it scorn
I felt the cold end as it gripped me with hate
moving to nothing my thirst would not sate
the end was so hollow, so numb and so dry
as the end placed the penny upon my dead eye
the breath was released as the moth flew away
the end was like  nightfall, gave finish to day


If sadness hasn't reached me
then will my pen relate?
If darkness has not taught me
those silly things of fate,
and your hand has been absent
and my flesh has grown cold.
Will make believe continue
the love that has grown old ?
If blood has stopped its travel
and lips have ceased to speak,
Will you then still remember
the babble of the weak?
Will you still remember
that I have craved you so
Or will you walk the road
that my love will not go?


weight of your body upon me, I feel
the strange sensation of something not real
the odd vibration in tune with the night
those eyes in passion portraying the light
pushing upon me, my will to be free
you stretch out your arms to welcome me
and then I see.
One moment of truth, one dread that I fear
I want just to hold you, to bring your heart near
to hear all those nothings fall onto my ear
this to me is not a game oh my dear
I see clear
I struggle to move you, your weight is too strong
I open my lips to sing loudly our song
and out of the window, they hear it, the throng
I beg and I plead for the moment done wrong
to be gone
You push your cold finger against my soft lips
and I suck all the nectar from your fingertips
my mind is awash with your lies and my trips
the blood and the honey it drips
and you nip
taking a little into your whole being
the monster before me, I know I am seeing
but i lay here beneath you instead of just fleeing
I gasp as you enter me
pulling you closer
I feel your whole soul in my throat
Calling out your name in riddles
whimpering into the death of my dreams
I relinquish to you, my control
those times you have taken
as you take me now
are gone in the uselessness
of  time somehow


oh, defeat that she will give

past the time she wasted, live

yet,  the tears did drown the sive

but, she still tried to catch them.

Oh, she was the best to please

to all of them and all of these

make behave and make believes

but never did she give it

heart cave in so as  is we

drama filled as I may be

yet so true that you don’t see

what she felt,  she owned it.

needed and yet seperated

the baby cried and so  frustrated

cried. oh woe, for woe is traded

is she.* wipes eyes* yet, undone?

She wandered here and yet she knew

and wandered there and never true

until she found her heart in you

peace and yet her heart is void.

heart felt empty still unknown

Those accusations made alone

wrapped around the rag and bone

choked her half to hell and back

fame her weakness made her limber

finding in herself the member

she hated that she could remember

heart so dark. She held it near.

resented  the betrayal lept

into flames burned all except

someone she admired and kept

in his darkened ego.

she felt it and the  desperate plee

to understand the ways, and the

reasons for her groveling plee

sit within her loss and cried

Of the dwindling pride did  stir

it made the hate well up in her

make believe and then did stir

fear of invisible nothings.

Oh, but words, her only friend

took hold her hand with hungry pen

another world so deep within

made a better her for her

pulling threads that surely scar

bound and stitched her hurt by far

like the strings on a guitar

pulled so close she was them

wounds o wounds with scars that drip

from her eyes I took a sip

with my hand i traced the rip

that made her smile again.

Let me sleep...forever

Do not wake me again
no wishes, i have to repair this
You cannot fix me, nor bind my wounds
I am broken...forever
I am all that you fear
dispair, hopelessness, hate
fear, cold, lonliness
Do not wake me again
I have dug my hole
wide and deep and hungry
I will satisfy  its desires
no hope, no life, no wants
no needs, no joy, nothing
Do not wake me again
I do not wish to hear the birds
I do not wish to smell the air
it is rancid in its dread
As I lay my head upon the pillow again
I smile with contentment
yes, I had rather be dead.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

saving mommy

Your sweet voice
is soft whispers spoken,
an innocent saving
me from myself.
Little hands grasp
pulling me closer

 "I love you"

Even though I
am undeserving
of your love.
Precious little person
I do not know you
and time has stolen so much
giving back so little.
How can I regain
what was taken?
How can your
love be enough?
You never give up.
Every word you speak
cuts through the dark
waters that engulfs
my soul...
and they reach
me some how and
bath me in light
for the moment.


pulled and tugged and tied in knots
of what it is and what it's not

drug away by false imaginations
wallowing in my dead procrastinations

Tell me lies again as you draw near
whisper things of nothing in my bleeding ear

lure me to the place I long to die
kiss me once again as I start to cry

Soothe me deep and warm my skin
drive the knife so deep within

hurt me as you heal my pain
love me now yes once again

I dont care to be free from it
but I scream as love has bit

I feel myself as I dive down deep
and lose my soul as I lose my sleep

I dream at last and it is filled with you
And there is nothing that I can do

Bad Wine

It is tender in it's frailty
the first tear that falls;

a drop filled with truth.

It is a horrible peice of me,
a regret that spoke.

The moment is circling.

I have been here before
It is beautiful, the lie,
a smile coaxed to life
and a laughter in pain.


Your story is quite sweet;
you kiss the pain away.

Your words are like slivers of glass
and i dance on tip toes.

  Shards slip in releasing the
crimson flood of my defeat;


Looped and repeating;
i watch outside the shell,
consciousness floating above.

Numb, i flail for something
solid to ground me;
focusing on your words
of comfort.

You thank me for
being honest and

I beg for your return.

A word spoken betrays
spaces between, sad letters-
and you are gone.

It begins again

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Life said more

life said more
as if i was willing
to live it...
pain said yes
to the edge I
was willing to give it.
hiding alone in
a cold cell/
battered beaten
... and wandering
life said
take this and take that
till life seemed
to fall flat
as my body was lying
cold prone
but life has been
cruel and patterned
with gruel
till I have been
anchored alone

life said more
give and then go
and then make
and then form
and then speak...

life said to me
this is not over yet

I will torture
and confine the

giving more than
the humanoid body
can take
I will rise up and
strike you once more

I will give to you
measure and measure
of hate
till you crawl on
your knees to deaths

then life said more
and more of this hell
till the waves of your
suffering swell

I was done...sorely done
with all life had to give
and with day coming near
I would run
I was done ...sorely done
with humanities care
so I made all my peace
with the gun

life said why..oh why
and it cried

but death and i mourned
while society scourned
while life
took a knife
not for me, nor forewarned
for life took a dive
and it died

Sunday, June 16, 2013

deeply embedded

How deeply embedded
is the nail, spike
..the burning blade?
I placed the code
did you get it?
Where in this hell we
have made...
where is mercy
going hard?
The purpose is nothing;
life dealt its card.
Blinded and raving;
animals within
pacing, fuming...
recreating the sin.
So where do I begin?
I've been broken
 from the beginning...
destined to be your creep.
I see now
why I cannot sleep.
Let's face it...
I'm worm food
now--later--doesn't matter.
Dreams show me
the aftermath's splatter.
Courage... one step-
pressure vice
grinding down...
Wouldn't it be nice
if this were but a dream...
and my heart didn't
But you are oblivious
and you suffer not
by this disease that I got.

how deeply embedded...

dreaded and looked upon
with eyes of reluctance
forgetting my human

a waving grass in fields of hundreds...

a grain of sand amongst millions

something which means nothing

to you

you...who are
and deeply embedded
in yourself.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The process and the pattern

They've come again,
those horrid things.
The pale encounter
of numb men wings...
about to burst
and open forth-
a thing with no remorse.

I grip so tight
that which holds
in madness, lives
I have been told.
These actions of
such pure disgrace;
the truth is here
upon my  face...

and in my eyes.

A quickness of
the blade I weild
will be my sword
defense- my shield.
Upon the softness
lies in wait-to take
my sanity...
and I shall break

the skin.

I watch the bead and as it grows,
I weep and let my pain disclose
so many secrets that's been kept.
So good...I opened and I wept.
To open up and crimson flows
nobody understands nor knows
and as the trail it travels to
the pictures that I keep of you.
They splatter onto loves pure face
and finally I know my disgrace.
Colors red, they tell my heart
and not just any tiny part.
As the wounds begin to feel
and as I try so hard to heal
one more word comes in to
steal....my meaning


The grim truth

Given over to her
a blur, I saw you there
starring through the window
bend low, peer deeply...
sweetly she caresses
and blesses your brow
now I know the truth
proof of what was real
feel it! feel it! my descension
tension grips and flexes
complexities and retributions
solutions to the problem of you and I
cry false tears despite what is obvious
pios and proud fake woman
some day all will be known
flown away in full view
new to this sort of hurt
flirt with disaster then hide
wide is your love, but not deep as mine
the wine has gone bad
had trips in the wine glass
mass in black and red...dead
I said it was you and him
grim was my truth

Monday, June 10, 2013

Ill humanity

Ill humanity
reaching new heights
of digust
searching for more
humility through
in this protective
to bring fortunate
thought to sanity

Ill humanity
always frightening
bringing about
vast emotions
bustling msucles
of patriotic fabric
a frailty
I see the honesty
and the debauchery

Ill humanity
sperates us
from them
remembering what
was once
and holy
take this hard body
caress the shell
of resistence
pump the air full
of my retaliation

Ill humanity
loaded, cocked and
steady your hand
and remember
what this was all

I wonder....

I wonder if you think of me
ever when away
do you pine for my attentions
as you go about the day
I wonder
I wonder how you sleep at night
when I cant sleep at all
do you walk around with power
while on my knees I crawl
i wonder
I wonder do you gorge youself
on delicious treats and such
while I just sit and think of you
and never eat that much
i wonder
I wonder does your body ache
not with your tiresome work
but ache as if your soul has died
and you cant help but lurk
i wonder
I wonder if you think of me
yes, think of me at all
while all I do is think of you
for you're my wonderwall
i wonder
doesn't seem fair

Sunday, June 9, 2013


I was burning
churning in the fire
desire was drowning away
stay you said stay
play this game with me
free, you shouldn't be
see...you are imperfect
in retrospect, a thing
a fling I never had
sad that you had to go
so...we must re create
satiate this lust undone
sun has risen, time has past
last thing on my mind is you
true, so true...still solid
fled into that darkened state
abate and the first thing too

I should have gotten over you
but the glue didn't stick

Sunday, May 19, 2013

melancholy my love

I'm in love with melancholy
enraged by the thought of
I am drowning, suffocating 
and dying for dark love
no light gives me rise
and no blessing excites
only death and desire
both perplexes, ignites

deep within the night's

my love is a disgrace

give me scissor and knife
and the feel of the blade
give me portion and portion
of this hell that's been made
I need  crimson and blackness
and hurt dripping down
to walk in this bleakness
 in this hate I could drown

I have found...
turning round and round

A love of depression
so demonic and sad
a scolding from momma
a beating from dad
a shovel I grip tight
and desire runs right through me
My love for the melancholy
suicidal and free
In this I have found
a love of it all
in love with the thought of
the thrill of the fall

even sun has a blackness
 black spot on blue skies
even your love is tactless
when you close those dear eyes
even your love is hurting
and death would be kind
for in your love I'm drowning
in the depths of my mind

I am in love with melancholy
wrapped in pure mourning madness
I walk the earth wailing
and enduring this sadness

Monday, May 6, 2013


…and I let myself fall.

sometimes the sea wells up inside and i want to be free.
sometimes the pain is  hard to hide ; i feel you inside of me.
when i cant cry i taste the tears that came a day before
when i cant speak i feel the words churn inside this whore
give me peace, i beg of you, oh , give me peace in hell
i crave your touch but in the end i hate how far i fell

from grace

sometimes i lie upon the floor and beg to hold you near
my head's alight with words of love but i still cradle fear
so, listen, i have much to say to you before i go
my soul is more important than any  love i know
Your eyes they tell the truth in pain of something i have missed
with all those sleepless nights I craved the everlasting kiss

of love

and i still pray,and  i still want salvation if its real
but can i fight this demon of that thing in which i feel?
can i break your chains in which i bound upon myself
if i leave will i just find the dark in someone else?
these questions slip and drop just like the spittle from my lips
these evil things they drown in wine so red that my love sips
delighing me
and i am damned…

pulled an tugged until there is no more left to feel
I try to say I'm done but this thing is so real
denied of that soft whisper of my confession
back into the obscure life procession

and it is my profession

to do as well as I should do at all
so why should I do more than fall

I am damned

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


Suppose that I had dreamt of this
and it happened not at all
suppose there was one heated kiss
hands upraised against the wall

mouth to mouth and skin unending
hands to flesh and flesh to soul
gasping with each moment sending
pleasure with this thing we stole

and suppose the heart would follow
with the mind that knows all truth
and with this pain I swallow
numbed of loss and learned with proof

should we try to know the reason
why some things are never done
let us try our mights with seasons
under moon and under sun

should we break that which is broken
making good of things twere tainted
shall we honor all those tokens
which has deemed to make us sainted
painted a picture thus...

We should be dead
as we tread upon morality
duality finding compliance

we will dream no more in silence
keeping treasures locked within
we will open up this mindless
unsettling, searching...lust born sin

and as each endearing moment
gathers dust and stills the time
we will make believe our torment
is but just another rhyme

...and is just within the mind...

finding solace in those glances
quick and ending but salvation
eyes of water, taking chances
eyes of earth, the navigation

Thursday, April 25, 2013

from: whisper

don't turn away
don't try to hide
don't close your eyes
don't turn out the light


Tuesday, April 16, 2013


I find anger awaiting me here today
I play the same song saddened
gladdened by simple gestures
pleasures imagined and wanted
flaunted and thought highly of
above it all, I sit alone again
the plan is to remain as this
bliss is found in my head see
free from drama and hate
fate has found a place
space is small but full
lull me to sleep, my dear

I fear you no more
clinging to this and that
a hat I have worn badly
sadly....I see the truth
proof of what was not expected
rejected over and over

so, it is as it is
business is the same
my name, respected
reflected on it all
I fall in love with me
and I am free
you see, its not about
the clout, the fame
the same has been said
the dead have found new life
strife shall be washed away
so stay if you wish
twist it to this or that other
brother, I shall play no game
the blame will not be mine
my mind shall not compete
beaten down and pressured
measured by many things

wings...I have wings
brings new life and strength

the length of spring
sings with coming summer
that lies should steal
the you from me and me from you

the blue is tainted too
and I see through it all

so hide your dark thing
fling it to the depths so deep

and keep...
that which you hold dear

Thursday, April 11, 2013

What you are to me

Part of my mind,

nothing...but more than that..

Sometimes a figment of
my imagination reminds me.

I can taste you as you go
and I know when you are near
your scent intoxicates me

away, far away....

Together we fade into nothing.
You are...
Rolling across my tongue,
I take the fear... your resistance
as my reason why.

 small words explode upon my palate.
I taste you inside and out-
feeling you close and so far away

I give to you, Nothing...
becoming hardened..numbed

I am woven, incapacitated.
Touching your flesh, I know you,

touching your soul...

 I unravel

Monday, April 8, 2013

Grant me this...

I wish to speak of this
these things you should know
the reasons for my madness
my insanity...inconsistent ramblings
the reasons why I grow angry
the reasons for my smile
the reasons why
you are always there
in my mind
I wish to speak of this
to you
only you
lips pressed against your ear
my weakness
...with my heart beating...thumping
with love


Oh god, I cannot stop
drop after drop falls
walls of tears for us
must you pull away
say those angry things
 stings and I am broken
soaking in the dust
trust me and convey...
what must be said...say...

stay please stay
play pretend awhile
softly defile


skin against skin
bend the rules
fools in a trance
chance the sins
spins round and round
sounds, rhymes, music
ticks of the mind
kind statements...mumbling

fumbling with words
birds cannot sweeter sing
bring me to you
and you to me
limited and heartbreaking
shaking in my sleep
creep to me and speak



then touch me
see it is the touch
much that I crave
save me
oh, save me
don't let it die
I cannot kill it
nor will it

Friday, March 29, 2013

come to me

come to me
see and...

tell me
what I

the ride has
been long and
dwindling the spell...

it' been hell

come to me
please and sir...
stir it up

you who
hide from

plays with my mind
blind to what you see

come to me
I plee...

touch me....

take me...

as you wish

my lips are hard pressed
from rejecting

and yet denying
crying nightly for

what I
flaunt it...I see you
so blue...

every song
they speak
what I
am afraid
play after play...

come to me
see me

end my torment
spent craving
raving nightly...

brush my
my face
and I shall
dive into
your eyes
sighs and...

kiss me
wipe the
unclean from
my face
your hand upon my flesh

with holy sin

please do it

break my heart now
if I am mistaken

taken I am
by you

its true
come to me

and I shall
come to you...

Thursday, March 14, 2013


done with it...

no more sweetly dreamed
love beams emanating
from my eyes...

no lies

mo more surprises
and enterprises of love


yes, I wanted a kiss
but reality slaps, hard!
I am flung to the floor
I opened this door

with you...

and viewed...

my downfall

she was half blonde, not tall
but something to be contemplated
she situated your heart
pushing buttons
I couldn't find

remind me...
why did I want this thing?

no matter...

I am ...

done with it

this song I will not sing
no longer
I am, in fact, much stronger
roving eyes, tapping keys
green dots...
are you there?
oh yeah...I don't care
gazing at stats
and feeling blue
seems I am gradually


and eventually

forgetting you


or in the process of...

-to be correct
I have grown real
and far above it
so I can


done with it!!

I cannot stress
this enough
times may get rough


I quit
I am done
quite finished
I am...

simply don't give a damn

...or in the process of

so let me be
let me pull together
that which was
worn and drug through teasing waters
full of broken bottles and shit

for future reference
and too much information
...this is it

And I said I would quit

don't look at me
with those eyes
then blame me
for your sin...

I am done with it

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A light was shone for me

A light was shone for me
by way of hurt
a place was freely given
and hard life learnt
a love was killed
by way of pain
a hand was skilled
...gifted to build again
a mind was rent
and thoughts were eaten
because of younger
precious maleviolent creatin
a darkness darker was enfolded
child that won...unfettered
a thing was left undone
made for worse or bettered
...oh I am bringing life back home
taking gently from the grave
no longer will I roam
no more will I crave
A light was shone for me
much farther than my own
a thing was taken harshly
in moments it was gone
A light was shone for me
and this light will remain
a light was shone to me
and it was darkness...
come again.

Sunday, February 17, 2013


want your arms round me now
come and I'll show you how
to touch me and feel
and know this is real
let's live for the moment
in our skin so content
fate has no time
no space...no excuse

my love has no limits
... it's huge, it's profuse

don't deny my my passion
don't moderate or ration
I can't breathe, I can't think
surely come to the brink

of lunacy...

I think I will crave
to the edge of the grave
and if I should fall
don't ponder or stall

I started this, fed this
I made believe all
I welcomed this madness
bit by sore bit
I fashioned and bred this
I wanted this shit

I wanted so badly
I have dreamed, fascinated
from the time I was smitten
till I last masturbated

a thing in my mind
which has grown so immense
I've drowned, choked and bled
Yes, I've died ever since


contained and drained
here we go again
man, you push further
murdered the will to be
free, so says the caged bird
I heard I will be locked away
not today..but soon
moon is full, but I cannot be wild
child of circumstance and done
one, I am one with nothing
running and grasping straws
maws open to devour
hour by hour i submit
I say...
quit misunderstanding the sickness
the quickness of our faults
assaults again and cripples
ripples explode across the brain
pain is unusual and deadly
a medly of this and that
a cat in a fairy mask
a flask of bad wine...
mine, you cannot be but remain
in my brain...a strain of beauty
impunity, a maker of cruelty
duelty, two and twice of us
must the game grow weary
clearly, you have put me away
today, already you close the box
rocks, you sink me deeper
weeper who weeps not
got no love for me, see
agee to not agree
free?? I am contained
ingrained into my self loathing
but yet...
 you hold me still

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Model of the Unconditional

you are a reason
that is what you are
for my yearning so far
a soothing hand-lovely dream
I picture those far away things
including you
no, there are no words
but some words would
this is me when I
am not so nice
but when I think twice
it is defeated
a potion
a spell, a charm
they wouldn't work
but would they work harm
true as this is
I can manage
just a quirk
to justify this damage
time without you lulls
in its torturous reduction
If only time would
encounter such sweet
for things to be as they should
If I could
I would change this fabric, I would
this content-this pattern that was given
but I would not change
the reason
I am driven
unconditionally given

Thursday, February 7, 2013

It does not hurt

I do not miss you, no..not at all
Never would I beg, nor would I call
I would never kiss you so passionately
Nor unveil myself for you to see
This will not happen, nor did It before
I did not cry at night, upon the floor
I do not miss you and this is the truth
the absense of my tears show you the proof
I hate your eyes, and fall not to your charms
I would never ever rush right in your arms
I really don't care if I ever see you again
doesn't bother me that you are not my friend
I have not wished in secret, to have one kiss
I will not try, cuz you, I do not miss
Never did my heart pound when we touch
there are no desires,lusts or such
there is no flame which burns so deep inside
I simply hate it when you're by my side
your scent goes unnoticed, I crave you not
I wish I could will away, what you are not
I do not miss you and I never will
there are no dreams I long to fulfill
I do not love you, and to hell with this thing
and deep in the night the hurt, it doesn't sting

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Of eyes and string


These senses are your enemies
seeing inconsistencies,
beckoning, she hears these
heart strings

She shouts sparatic erratic rants
 failing and failing and failing
fallen into a trance...
both obvious and startling
happen stance

from strange and unfamiliar places
came her heart...wounded
pleading odd cases

vacant and soon dead

pure and with disease
Is she a plague.. will she infect you?
you cannot see this
this thing she did pursue
and she does miss
ball of yarn and bliss


She is wanted coveted and desired
but not by you...your eyes down cast
She is hated, feared and flawed
shall this pass?
growing distant by the minute
by at your hand
...no part in it

nothing sinks, sticks or adheres
when patterns kill
months making years

Her body writhing nightly
Her arms searching fruitlessly
has this rotation ceased
halted upon vanity's corruption
a lost and longing thing...

ropes and ties and string...


have mercy

this weak-minded goddess
who spells and charges
has fallen at your feet
deaf in blindness

she is no monster so... she
grafts those things torn
long ago
she fumbles shaking, weeping
fusing needed things
to glory...seeping...
delusion brings

for she will connect
that which aches
to the firmament of heaven
before it  breaks
my every yearning


You have no idea
the length or depth or width
of that which wraps
around her heart

what shall she gain
if you undo this thing
by pulling just one

Monday, February 4, 2013

...I , madness

emaciated and torn asunder
thunder strikes the cold rail
pail under my chin, regurgitated
consentrated on the damage
image is gone, go to sleep
creep again, creep...look inside
ride the white dream horses hide
confide in me those darkeest hues
blues black and crimson clues
dues are paid and line been written
bitten into poison fruit, smitten
I will not hate thee, you walk upon me
see what you have done
gun still smoking...
choking and choking
following the shadow still
fill me with corosion more
explore the limits of this disaster
master, is it mine or yours?
doors into more painful pleasures
measures of pointless screams
dreams cannot stop this madness

Saturday, February 2, 2013

push and pull

Keeping me out
...firmament of doubt
want your touch so bad
oh so much, my dad
my papa... my master
bended knees in disaster
I cry, I beg, I plead
one touch, one kiss...I need

the forcefeild that separates
segregates one from another
I am momma, maa'm and mother
want to nurse you, bring you back to life
...I want to put away the knife

grasping... longing, your pain I feel
knowing impossibility, this is real
but wall by wall, you are protected
and time after time, I am rejected
blown away, I am autumn leaves
both mind and heart, they grieve
soothed only by time, another day
rehearsing the line, this secret play
I will surely dream, fantasize that maybe...
I can chip away the mortar....baby
flick by flick cracks form in the wall
this is the impossible task of it all
sorrow in madness grips tight and ceizes
nothing but he thought of this, pleases
nothing but your eyes can hold the truth
suddenly calmed, I need no other proof
the sadness which lingers there within
metaphorically drips and I am worn thin
lust like condensation on glass collects
my mind roams forever, continues to reflect
each and every motion clue is given
from the darkest hour till the brightest heaven

keeping me out, yep keeping me near
maddening confusion, feeding my fear
aching from the distance and falling apart
tightening the grip that you have on my heart

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Unrelated pain

Stop creating hate for me
see there is no connection
perfection between the broken
unspoken thing...you or he???
free the fear you harbor
far from the truth this hypothosis
all this hhypnosis...spell I cast
past the norm into paranoia
boy ya got it allllll wrong...
the song you hear rings false
waltzes to a beat of your own making
shaking from teh unfair assumption
your gumption has failed
wailed quietly within the night
right??? you are not right
my plight sings a sad song
wrong is more akin to
you know me not, tis true
pursue the idea that you caused this
miss the actuality of it all
fall victim to pride with in vain
strain to hear the rhythm..you are deaf

hear no evil
see no evil
I put her away
stay not with me
flee, I am full
lull myself to sleep
keep vigil with my timd
instead of digging up the spirit
quit...oh quit..one says
less says the other
smother her deep with regret
set in solid depth of sin
then good tidings she brings
sings sad and not to taint
haint of cemetary souls
roles to play, masks to wear
care me not, bed was made
paid the price..and I sleep

your will is broken

None of these sins
have fasioned my heart
and his heart to break
make no mistake

Sunday, January 27, 2013

driven to madness

look at me, I cannot speak
weak by the intensity
pure sensitivity of
wanting more and more
whore, so be it
please dont
quit...I am fascinated
traded my heart in
then broke it for you
its true, these things
wings, pictures, lines
mine's a passion undone
none can catch my eye
lie, oh please lie
die to the truth
proof that fantasies
please me so...
dont go and leave me here
fear would steal
and cease to heal
my wounds...left before
I implore you....give to me
see inch by inch with those eyes
reality in the real
feel with rough hands
lands of soft skin
sin untasted
wasting away

lips burning for contact
its a fact...

you want this
kiss that yearns
burns for me
see and feel
real but dreams
seems I am

and driven to madness

Thursday, January 24, 2013

heart in exile

keeps hurting and hurting
a spurting blood heart
part of the pain, it stays and
plays forever behind bars
I've scars that cannot be hidden
over ridden with lies
and the eyes I cannot forget
set to destroy my existence
since that one moment in time...

that I cannot remember

I climb upon the stage
in a cage, I scream in pain
rain I cry in streams
It seems, I talk to myself


what else is there

My bare and barren heart steals
more deals from the dark one
the sun will not shine and
mine is a dark love
above, clouds cover brightness
the lightness fades and fades
as tirades march inside

I cannot hide

 I cannot hide

I ride this out and smile
while my heart breaks
this takes so much from me
I see, head down, don't look

I say

My book, written page by page
rage by rage, grieving hard
my card has been played
Oh, I stayed true to my desire
fire burns,things destroyed
toyed with my emotions but
potions never used...

 no witch

switch roles and see-
me for who I really am
damn this world



slamming doors, ripping skin
let me in...i say, let my in
my sin is not too great
separate this from that again

bind this wound

Monday, January 21, 2013

never good enough

you're never good enough
no matter how hard you try
thank goodness I have such
an ability to cry
an ability to doubt
every word from my mouth
every mother taught their baby
here in the deep south
every father beat it into
little bodies as they cried
thank goodness I was an expert
when I stole and when I lied
when I drank the brandy down
and I hid away at night
thank goodness he didnt find me
half the time I took flight
You're never good enough
no matter what you do
it seems the only person
who knows the truth is you

Saturday, January 19, 2013

the tear

Each time you leave me here
I watch the trail of that one tear
as it falls upon my breast
there it finds its place of rest
until I gasp, and shake it free
It travels down the rest of me
moving warmth of rivers flow
from my knee down to my toe
I feel it splash upon my feet
makes me recognize defeat
that my tears are shed in vain
in the midst of all the pain

Oh Master

Close the clasp and hook the leash
set me at your feet
I stare up with saddened eyes
never wanting my release
just love
Humming softly hand in hair
then you pat my head
standing then you tug on me
to follow you to bed
for love
Pull me to you gently as
you grow beneath my tummy
kiss my lips so tenderly
the taste is oh so yummy
like love
Have you way and do your deed
grasp me take me make me bleed
All these things I desperately need
and love
Die your death and I die mine
upon your chest I tremble
But this is what I fear the most
a sad goodbying symbol
much love
but not real love.


A gripping tearing dread it is
to put upon my head, the sole
responsibility of what I always dread.
A knawing endless pain I sense
as I move in to kiss, the heart
I thought was mine must surely be amiss
Yes, I hate this and I hate that but
nothing can remain, but the itching clawing
feeling that is rotting in my brain
The distant aching body, I can feel it
next to mine, the reason for this coldness
and the slow dead ring of time
I feel the darkness touch me and welcome
death to steal, the reason for this longing
and why I cannot heal.

I repent

silhoettes of things long gone
haunted songs in the throng....

faces pale and unmoving
hands so cold and unsoothing...

I repent

less is more and more is less
I realized as I undressed...

I repent

hands are roving grabbing owning
servants now lay prone and groaning...

I repent

the blood i saw and lies I told
gave the youth to those of old...

soul was mine before the dawn
as I lay stretched upon the lawn...

emryonic sad and void of myrth
never reaching pre-sumed birth...

tearing ripping quiet the knife
every roving the dear dear wife...

oh god...
I repent

left empty

still the owner
of my dreams
it seems I cannot
shake you from
my mind and time
will cease rewind
to bring me peace
and yet release
me from your binds
oh, hold me still
owner of my will
and bring me pain
until my tears are rain
go unnoticed once
again. Foul foul
traitor, user, man
all those things
i feel you can
provide and yet
you still my fears
in meeting
what a greeting or
sorrow, pleasure mixed
no tonic has fixed
these horrific yearnings
that no love has nixed
I hate you and yet so
much love when you will go
bring it rain till I will
know, you love me not
denial reigns within
brain filled with rot
refusing that which
you have told me clear
turned the switch
and whispered in my ear

"I can give you nothing."

you cannot love me

those calloused hands
those eyes so true
I feel my heart
belongs to you

but you say no
no no poor girl
you cannot be
part of my world
I will not love you
no not at all
for If i care
and if i fall
I will be doomed
a spiders prey
and at your feet
I will surely lay
I will submit
my heart as well
and then i fear
the pain of hell
and all will be
a total mess
and loving you
will bring distress
yes, loving you
is quite the feat
I fear my dear
i must retreat.

see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil

feel me
as i dig my nails into your flesh
feel me
i am as real as the leather and mesh
feel me
I am not done yet oh my dear
feel me
placing the darkness and the fear

hear me
I am whispering now inside your soul
hear me
I am the blood quivering in the bowl
hear me
last vibration before death takes you
hear me
last sweet dream before life wakes you

smell me
I am the rose upon your grave
smell me
I will give you a whiff if you behave
smell me
I am the tempting love unfinished
smell me
I am the scent that hate has diminished

see me
I am the star which wears the mask
see me
I am the hard liquir in that there flask
see me
I am the truth that leads you astray
see me
I am tomorrow that lies for today

be me
I am but nothing and nothing is good
be me
I have been you and you know i would
be me
it doesnt matter at all what you are
be me
trapped in the darkness locked in a jar

speak me
sad sad riddles that they understand
speak me
I am the devil that stands in your hand
speak me
touch me and listen to words that create
speak me
talk to me softly of love and of hate

kill me
I am now ready to take what I've earned
kill me
whether I suffocate, or if I am burned
kill me
make me go softly into that good night
kill me
knowing you finally done what is right

now rest child


I will not cry
fore it would be in vain
I feel the wound,
the scar, the stain
I feel your soul
so deep within
tied in knots with
mine and my sin
fused and made
in the love we made
in the thickest form
of the game we played
but I will not cry
In case you say goodbye
I will hold that thought
with the pain this wrought
I will smile with the task
behind my spirit mask

The truth of sorrow

But sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared tothis hollow shell.
Sorrow is sometimes welcoming
compared to this cold hell.
Sorrow can be a blessing
and sorrow can be so ripe,
with new blood from the cuting
and hatred from the knife.
Son't think of sorrow, lightly,
yes sorrow fills the void.
Sorrow makes us human
and gives life to the droid.
Sorrow can be soothing
and sorrow makes us whole.
The pain you feel of sorrow
can fill your barren soul.

downward desire

oh, this little ditty makes me feel so proud
to befriend this odd man who sings aloud
 he that sneaks about, with pen in hand
Can it be one who would understand
a plight that haunts and surely seizes
knows  secrets of pains that pleases
he knows the reason I cry till dawn
under stars, stretched on the lawn
to dream of a man, wild and free
he knows not my dreams of he
so entertaining till morning light
till my eyes would have no site
till the moon becomes the sun
I only crave and beg for one
then I cry for special kiss
I want, i hurt and I miss
a heart of mine, its pure
this I am for sure
I wait yet until
he comes again
I keep still
giving him
his thrill

Despite it all

Despite my little fits of anger
and my pissy moaning state
I have deepened love and yearning
that no-one can dissipate

Despite your lies and whining
despite your arrogant shit
I can almost see the truth
right after I throw a fit

Despite your moody oddness
those things that make no sense
the dumbest things that you say
they make me feel so tense

despite the fact I bite my lip
and try to hide it well
I think that I would want you
and follow you to hell

Don't make me forget you

Do not make me forget
what I chose to remember
which path walks regret?
through fields or thick timber?
what laws should be broken
those moral or to protect
which lies should be spoken
to love or to neglect
which way should be wounded
and forever left tainted
the one that's familiar
or the one brightly painted
the one that is open
or one so mysterious
the one that is complicated
drunk and delirious
the one that was broken
and twisted and cold
the one that has promised its
love to grow old
oh, can you distinguish
one heart from the other
in this agony wishes
to drown and to smother

confused and comfounded
cant see right ahead
sore wings, I am grounded
things looked in my head

I can say, "I don't want this."
this thing that I seize
I can say, "I won't miss this."
this desired disease

Don't make me forget
what I chose to keep sacred
Don't make me leave heaven
for the hell that I bled

The transition

I am numbers...
things that are not percieved
as beautiful.
hard as facts and statements
I am unisex-asexual
no desire no beauty
I cannot be seen
with the eyes
I am family, relations
troubled and avoided
I am no tantalizing
object of desire
If I was fire
I would be a
threat to your safety
burning your tongue
tasting reality....too much
I am solid, concrete
walking a line
of contempt
for myself.

My passionate brutality
ceases to exist in
one moment...I have lost

And then the kiss
grazing the surface
the scent arises
pronouncing my real name
the container erupts
gives way...
words like flies...scatter
flee in the wake of
your fear

She arrives
and free
beauty is evident
boundaries explode
the heart dances
skin tingles